Personal Update

The personal problems that I am currently facing have brought to my notice an ongoing problem in the way my synaptic pathways are wired in my brain. My reading and writing abilities are directly linked to my emotional state and this causes difficulties when bad things happen or I find myself depressed. I haven't been able to do much writing and my reading has fallen way off (strange for me since I love reading), in the last six months. I think the solution would be for me to find a way to separate my emotions and moods from the reading & writing process. This will be difficult for me and I am praying that God will help me to overcome this problem. I have never been interested in studying psychology, but I may have to do some research to see if I can make some mental changes.

While I am trying to make these changes, I am going into a dietary change and a bit of fasting from various luxuries. I may get very grouchy in the coming months; I'm praying that God will provide enough grace to me that I can cope.

After Sam (my son) went through his mental difficulties in January (the $6,000 psychiatry bill for which is now coming due), I dropped everything in my intellectual life to try to maintain communications with him. Sam is doing better now and has moved out to room with someone for whom he is providing care-giving services. The move was sudden, and Sam has broken off communications with us, so all my concern didn't matter. The people he is staying with are Christians, so I am grateful for their influence, but I am thinking that the only way for me to cope with the rejection is to give him over to God's hands, pray for everything to turn out right, and just get on with my life as if my son were dead. I suppose until he is ready to take another look at the fifth commandment, I should just operate as if he was dead and be grateful for what we had in the past.

If anyone has stumbled across this entry and actually gotten this far into the entry, and if you are a Christian, pray that God will help me to remove the emotional entanglement in my mind with my ability to write. I feel too much.

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