Personal Update: Sorrow & Relief

I have a burning interest in writing and hope to actually become published, so it was with great sorrow that I just discovered that some fellow Christians from my church have been getting together to encourage each other in their writing and they made a point of NOT inviting me. To use a metaphor, my entire life is like a small hungry child with his nose pressed up against the window of a bakery--you're on the outside and no one is letting you in to taste the goodies. I sometimes forget that this is my lot in life, for when God has given me a measure of physical comfort in life (like a good job, etc.), I fall under the illusion that I have been let into the bakery. It is only a dream however, since the reality is that I am only a second tier member of my church and many of my so-called Christian brothers make a point of excluding me from their lives. I'll have to go it alone, but it always hurts the most when it is your own (supposedly) that turn their back on you. Perhaps God is granting me the privilege of an advanced course in humility--perhaps I would be prideful if I were to succeed or heaven forbid, receive compassion from my Christian brothers.

On the other hand, my concluding remarks from my entry on 20100409, to wit, "One last thing, I will likely, eventually, be "silenced" by the US government at some point, so anyone not happy with my views will be able to rejoice." will not come true because I will not ever become popular enough to piss off the establishment. Well, when you try to think for yourself you will eventually piss everyone off--nobody likes to have their cherished illusions shattered. So, on one level I can feel relief.

I wish I could be around to watch during the few days after I die, to note how my passing will not be noticed. At least I get to start dealing with the sin of pride right now!